We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. “A man asked Gautama Buddha, ‘I want happiness.’ Buddha said, ‘First remove I, that’s Ego, then remove want, that’s Desire. In many ways, Buddhism is all about letting things go, helping us break away from negative thoughts and behaviors that do not serve us, as well as loosening the grip of all our attachments. Hence, your unhealthy attachment and desire becomes less important. The reason I mention this story is to illustrate why it can be so dang confusing to understand what's meant by non-attachment in ancient Eastern thought. But life has its own plans. However, letting go of a relationship and your desires & attachments can enable you to find happiness and inner peace. Having practiced meditation for the last 3 years, I can personally guarantee that it can be one of the most calming yet invigorating experiences you’ll ever have. This will help you to be a kinder and self loving person. And it made me more desperate. It is only by letting go of your breath, you make space for the next one to come in and replenish your body, mind and soul. Breakups are hard on most of us, whether you want it or not. The Art of Letting Go. Meditation is a crucial part of Buddhism and is one of the core components of the Noble Eight-fold Path. The letter can be as long or short as you want. If only I could tell you that detaching from the person you love and letting them go was a simple process. However, letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about anyone and anything. And it becomes more painful than it was. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. When you love yourself, you expect less from others and take charge for how you feel. If you wish to cling onto an weak relationship and be an insecure, unhappy person bathed in persistent suffering, then the path of desire & attachment can certainly be your best option. Meditation is simply sitting still and trying to pay attention to the present moment — whether that’s your breath, your body, or what’s around you right now. When we are in a relationship we become strongly attached to our partner both mentally and emotionally. You also need to stop having unrealistic expectations from them. In its core, meditation is letting go of what is most important to your life: your breath. Stay open to new connections. Accepting a partner for who they are, for who they are throughout their life no matter what changes, and making the best of every situation is how one achieves personal fulfillment in a romantic relationship. As you have seen, there is nothing to be gained from a mind filled with expectation. I tried to convince her, manipulate her, impress her and even beg her to stay with me. Buddhism has very broad views regarding romantic relationships. Letting go, letting be, or embodying the Buddhist term "nonattachment" greatly reduces and even alleviates suffering. See now you are left with only Happiness.’ ”. But I can’t. Pain is what the world does to you, suffering is what you do to yourself.” – Gautama Buddha. As you take responsibility for yourself and love yourself unconditionally, your narrow mind will move away from the stories you tell yourself and compel you to take a look at the bigger picture. He keeps returning to a dry well, hoping for water, stuck in recurrent despair. It requires you to realize that you can ONLY control yourself and no one else. “Pain in life is inevitable but suffering is not. No. In fact, it is one of the last things I wanted to do. But when you are attached to what you desire, how can you let it go? Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Letting go can sometimes be the hardest thing to do. I highly recommend that you check out this excellent video below by renowned American Buddhist nun Gen Kelsang Nyema on how the gift of happiness lies within us: All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. However, another Buddhist precept is the concept of change. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. As attachment causes suffering, non attachment can … “I think in Buddhism, letting go of things doesn’t mean you have to completely let go of the current moment,” he acknowledged. It can change. In Buddhism, this is the key to a happy romantic relationship. Many people mistake detachment or non-clinging to be a form of aloofness or emotional disconnect from others, but as Hanh explains, letting go often means loving someone more than … It doesn’t mean, for instance, that if we start loving ourselves, we stop wanting others to love us. There has to be a better way. It should be done mindfully. I cannot imagine loving a stranger in the same way and to the same degree that I love my fiance. As your relationship starts to falter, you become more attached to your partner and cling to them even more. In Buddhism, letting go of certain feelings and desires should not be done hastily or with some sense of aversion. That’s when I stumbled on to a Buddhist monk as if I was destined to meet him. As attachment causes suffering, non attachment can help you build a meaningful relationship and a happy life. It is completely selfless because your sense of ‘self’ is no longer asserted in every situation. As you become insecure about the relationship and yourself, you start to suffer. The Art of Letting Go is Artless. It helps you practice letting go of attachments and desires. End the letter with, “I release you across all space and time. To put it simply, meditation is the simple practice of conscious breathing where you bring all your awareness to your breath. Or, at least, it is not real right this minute. All the time and effort that went into making that relationship important and meaningful and successful is like building that raft and then at some point the relationship ends. But it only leads to further complications in the relationship. Here’s How To Feel More Focused And Energized And Manage Stress, Coronavirus: Trump Regime Overruled CDC, Flew Coronavirus-Infected Americans on Plane With Healthy People: Report », Your email address will not be published. Does this principle of detachment mean that we must love everyone equally? Required fields are marked *. But according to Buddhism, we must let go of attachment and desires if we are to experience happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.” – Thich Nhat Hanh. And perhaps this is why most relationships fail today. By creating a heart full of love and compassion that will light the darkness inside you. True happiness and peace exists beyond your desires and attachments. “Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. I experienced this to be true on my path. Letting Go of a Toxic Relationship. If you limit yourself to one or two relationships they will seem like your lifelines. You can ONLY control your own thoughts, emotions and responses and that can be the greatest challenge and achievement of your life. Whether you learn from these experiences and evolve or hold on to what you have lost is what will decide the course of your life. This informational blog focuses on the life and accomplishments of Amanda Gorman, Youth Poet Laureate. Justify less. You will feel more at peace in the current moment instead of worrying what more things can go wrong in your life. Non attachment is simply the absence of insecurity, clinginess and fear of losing your partner. But one New Year’s Day several years ago, during the final weeks of a dissolving four-year marriage, I did just that. In Buddhism attachment refers to a rigid, tight clinging and holding on to something, as if it were an existential life-raft. And that’s okay. According to Buddhist beliefs, an ideal relationship should encourage non attachment and independence. The first noble truth of Buddhism is that desiring leads to suffering. Yes, it was emotionally the hardest thing I have ever done. In order to let go of attachment to others, Buddhists advise us to start looking within, so we can love ourselves. Buddhism teachings focus on the idea of letting go of desires and attachments, in a spiritual sense, which may cause pain and suffering. As mentioned in the Four Noble Truths, the reality is ‘pain is inevitable’. You don’t give up on the ones you love, right? The more I tried to hold on to her, the farther she went away from me. Buddhists often compare Gautama Buddha to a physician which is evident here. In the first truth, he diagnosed the problem. In a relationship, it is 10 times harder to … This instrument has drawn comments, criticism and applause.